Ancient Naughtiness, Timely Reminders: 5 Relationship Lessons in Erotic Peruvian Art


Although I am an adult and have been for quite some time, little things in life make me giggle like an elementary school lass.

Fat babies.

The word “poot.”

Awkward conversations between adults.

Fat babies who poot during awkward conversations between adults.

Now, of course, this list is abbreviated. However, a recent trip to Museo Larco Herrera (Larco Herrera Museum) in Lima, Peru, forced me to add yet another element to this chuckle-inducing lineup – ancient erotic art.

Because there is nothing that triggers a quiet, yet robust “Ha!” more than carvings of our ancestors doing it.


Yet, in between suppressing all-out guffaws at some of the facial expressions, awkward hand placements, and wooden "woods", I realized that the porn pottery reinforces valuable lessons in modern relationships - which is what the pieces were originally designed to do.


Just to give you a little background, Museo Larco houses a vast collection of all types of amazing, pre-Columbian art within its main gallery. Since many Native Americans used art to communicate instead of written words, each piece tells part of a story. This is how researchers were able to trace and preserve over 5000 years worth of Andean history. Through carefully crafted masterpieces, museum visitors learn how Native Americans viewed the spirit world, kept track of food, and even accessorized their bodies.

Meanwhile, the museum’s erotic art gallery– which is in a separate building- showcases pieces that reveal less about what was put on bodies, and more about what was put…well, you get the idea.

The risqué, mainly ceramic pieces are self-explanatory. You won’t find shiny plaques of detailed information posted on either side of them. Still, you will walk away with two things: 1) images that you can’t “unsee,” and 2) valuable relationship reminders on how to get or keep a “boo.” At least, I did.

1. Relationships can be amazingly satisfying with the right partner.

Check out these smiles! "Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight..."
2. Sometimes, the relationship brings new life into the world, which is physically hard for the woman, but can emotionally scar the man for life.

PUSH!
3. Still searching for the right someone? While on your journey to “happiness”, don’t go sticking your tongue into the mouth of a person you don’t really know. Why? Because it’s kind of gross, and more importantly, you could be kissing your demise.

The kiss of death.
4. Don’t do something in the dark that you will be ashamed of when the lights come on. Keep it real.

Who? Me? I have no idea how or when this man got on my back....
5. If you’ve been “around the block” several thousand times and you are THIS wide open, you may stay single. (FYI – No amount of Kegel exercises can tighten this “happy zone.”)

I'm lonely, and you see why.
Want to be schooled by more titillating treasures? Don’t skip the Erotic Gallery at Museo Larco Herrara. It may result in a lesson – and a giggle- you won’t soon forget.

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